. . . I'll be a Vice President.
. . . I'll have gone on a vacation with Ed.
. . . I'll have dominated someone on the volleyball court again with Mark Stagno as my setter.
. . . I'll have more nieces and nephews.
. . . I'll still drive a convertible.
. . . I'll be a little less hard on myself.
. . . I'll still like Twilight.
. . . I'll still love Seinfeld.
. . . I'll have reached my potential in a marathon . . . with Jeremy Vaille by my side.
. . . I'll have an incredibly beautiful and generous woman in my life . . . my Mom.
. . . I'll own a vacation home on Sebago Lake in Maine.
. . . I'll still wear cadet blue pants and seersucker vests (together).
. . . I'll still be drinking beer . . . and mojitos.
. . . I'll be thinking about my next career move.
. . . I'll live closer to my brothers.
. . . I'll have visited San Diego again . . . with J.T. in tow.
. . . I'll still say TWSS.
. . . I'll use the expression "FML" a little less frequently . . . I hope.
. . . I'll be taking myself more seriously (cringing).
. . . I'll have broken another heart.
. . . I'll have had my heart broken . . . again.
. . . I'll have some new jokes (no, seriously).
. . . I'll have said goodbye to some old friends and said hello to many new ones.
. . . I'll have learned something new that will have become an important part of my life.
. . . I'll have laughed more than I've cried.
. . . I'll have won more than I've lost.
. . . I'll have smiled more than I've frowned.
. . . I'll have loved more than I've hated.
. . . I'll have fought more than I've succumbed.
. . . I'll be 41 . . . and damn proud of it.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Inspired, Humbled, and Frustrated: Just Another Day at the Gym
Yesterday morning I woke up around 6 and was ready to hit the gym but not before engaging in one of my patented "doze, roll over, jerk awake, look at clock, roll eyes, repeat" routines for a good hour. I finally pulled myself out of bed around 7, muttering "FML" and chirping a few things to my cat before heading out the door. Half-awake, I shuffled over to the gym, dragged myself onto the treadmill and after the first mile, finally started to emerge mentally.
After my second mile, I noticed a guy climbing onto the treadmill next to me. After he started running, I realized I'd seen him before because I remembered him running with a funny gait. In particular, without turning and looking right at him, I could tell he was limping and I remember thinking a variety of things along the lines of "Why is this guy on a treadmill if he's limping? Shouldn't he be walking first before trying to run? Is this a rehab experiment gone bad? Is he stubborn? Is he an idiot? Is there anything I can do to help without coming off as a pompous jerk?"
Upon finishing my run, in between wiping down the treadmill and trying to stay upright, I decided to take a closer look and see if I could learn anything further about this guy. What I found was that he didn't have the build or form of your traditional runner. In fact, he was without his right leg and in its place, had a custom prosthetic leg similar to what this guy has:
Learning the true reason behind this guy's gait was pretty much the equivalent of a hard punch to the face. I was immediately feeling a lot of different things at once and while several would probably best fit in the "I'm an idiot" category, I was also inspired, humbled, and frustrated.
Inspired
A fairly obvious emotion to feel after seeing what I did but not something to be underestimated or under appreciated. There I was, having spent the morning griping, moping, and complaining to myself that getting out of bed at an early hour for a run was a major pain in the ass. My main motivation for doing so? Something along the lines of "I'll probably burn more fat this way not having eaten any breakfast and this should help to bring my abs out more." This guy next to me wakes up every day and has to deal with attaching a prosthetic device in order to be mobile. Not only that, but he goes to the gym, gets on the treadmill, and RUNS. After seeing this guy in action, I am going to be BRINGING IT on each and every run I do.
Humbled
I've achieved some things in my life but seeing this guy in action made me feel like I hadn't really done anything yet. I know it's a bit extreme to think like that but at the end of the day, I can't think of anything I've had to overcome and/or work through that would be on par with losing a leg. I had a really rough time with my knee several years ago, suffering through several surgeries and a struggle with narcotics-based pain management after what should have been a very simple procedure and recovery. While it was a very difficult experience for both me and my family, the only permanent impact that I can surmise has been my inability to get off the floor (or the sand) and hit a volleyball the way I used to . . . and yeah, I used to HIT volleyballs. My personality have been altered a bit b/c of the narcotics as I did find myself to be a lot more talkative and extroverted once I was med-free . . . but I have no hard evidence to back this claim up. Either way, I can't even begin to think about what it would be like for me today had those events led to my losing a leg . . .
Frustrated
On the surface, I've got it pretty good right now. Internally, there's a lot of things going on. Over the last several years, I've grown increasingly frustrated with my inability to grow up. I can't point to any one aspect of my life that warrants more concern than others but suffice it to say, relationships, financial independence, career development, and general satisfaction with my life are all areas I've struggled with. Furthermore, my struggles with these things have led me to question every decision I make, over analyze things to the nth degree, and play way too many "what if" games. Ultimately, I know these events have kept me from reaching certain goals and exceeding not only my expectations, but those that others have of me. But you know what? I really don't have it that bad. And that is why seeing this guy frustrated me. Do I have things to worry about? Sure. Doesn't everyone? Yes. But these are things that are dealt with and managed such that they minimize the negative impact on our lives. Some are better than others at practicing this. I'm getting there. I have no idea where this guy is with regards to this phenomenon . . . maybe he has a relative with a terminal illness or is in a bad relationship. Maybe he's not getting what he wants out of his job or wishes he was living somewhere else. Maybe he's completely happy with his life and wouldn't change a thing. I don't know any of these things and I never will. However, seeing this guy run on the treadmill told me that in all likelihood, he isn't letting any frustration with his current situation keep him from doing the things he wants to.
After my second mile, I noticed a guy climbing onto the treadmill next to me. After he started running, I realized I'd seen him before because I remembered him running with a funny gait. In particular, without turning and looking right at him, I could tell he was limping and I remember thinking a variety of things along the lines of "Why is this guy on a treadmill if he's limping? Shouldn't he be walking first before trying to run? Is this a rehab experiment gone bad? Is he stubborn? Is he an idiot? Is there anything I can do to help without coming off as a pompous jerk?"
Upon finishing my run, in between wiping down the treadmill and trying to stay upright, I decided to take a closer look and see if I could learn anything further about this guy. What I found was that he didn't have the build or form of your traditional runner. In fact, he was without his right leg and in its place, had a custom prosthetic leg similar to what this guy has:
Learning the true reason behind this guy's gait was pretty much the equivalent of a hard punch to the face. I was immediately feeling a lot of different things at once and while several would probably best fit in the "I'm an idiot" category, I was also inspired, humbled, and frustrated.
Inspired
A fairly obvious emotion to feel after seeing what I did but not something to be underestimated or under appreciated. There I was, having spent the morning griping, moping, and complaining to myself that getting out of bed at an early hour for a run was a major pain in the ass. My main motivation for doing so? Something along the lines of "I'll probably burn more fat this way not having eaten any breakfast and this should help to bring my abs out more." This guy next to me wakes up every day and has to deal with attaching a prosthetic device in order to be mobile. Not only that, but he goes to the gym, gets on the treadmill, and RUNS. After seeing this guy in action, I am going to be BRINGING IT on each and every run I do.
Humbled
I've achieved some things in my life but seeing this guy in action made me feel like I hadn't really done anything yet. I know it's a bit extreme to think like that but at the end of the day, I can't think of anything I've had to overcome and/or work through that would be on par with losing a leg. I had a really rough time with my knee several years ago, suffering through several surgeries and a struggle with narcotics-based pain management after what should have been a very simple procedure and recovery. While it was a very difficult experience for both me and my family, the only permanent impact that I can surmise has been my inability to get off the floor (or the sand) and hit a volleyball the way I used to . . . and yeah, I used to HIT volleyballs. My personality have been altered a bit b/c of the narcotics as I did find myself to be a lot more talkative and extroverted once I was med-free . . . but I have no hard evidence to back this claim up. Either way, I can't even begin to think about what it would be like for me today had those events led to my losing a leg . . .
Frustrated
On the surface, I've got it pretty good right now. Internally, there's a lot of things going on. Over the last several years, I've grown increasingly frustrated with my inability to grow up. I can't point to any one aspect of my life that warrants more concern than others but suffice it to say, relationships, financial independence, career development, and general satisfaction with my life are all areas I've struggled with. Furthermore, my struggles with these things have led me to question every decision I make, over analyze things to the nth degree, and play way too many "what if" games. Ultimately, I know these events have kept me from reaching certain goals and exceeding not only my expectations, but those that others have of me. But you know what? I really don't have it that bad. And that is why seeing this guy frustrated me. Do I have things to worry about? Sure. Doesn't everyone? Yes. But these are things that are dealt with and managed such that they minimize the negative impact on our lives. Some are better than others at practicing this. I'm getting there. I have no idea where this guy is with regards to this phenomenon . . . maybe he has a relative with a terminal illness or is in a bad relationship. Maybe he's not getting what he wants out of his job or wishes he was living somewhere else. Maybe he's completely happy with his life and wouldn't change a thing. I don't know any of these things and I never will. However, seeing this guy run on the treadmill told me that in all likelihood, he isn't letting any frustration with his current situation keep him from doing the things he wants to.
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