Facebook? It just doesn't do it for me anymore.

? It just doesn't do it for me anymore.



Some of you may have recently noticed that I’m no longer on Facebook (FB). Oh, the horror! What a way to end 2010! For some (such as my close friends and immediate family), this event is likely to resonate more while for others, it may translate to my receipt of occasional emails with subject lines like “You off Facebook?!” For the other, ~98-99% of my Facebook friends, I’m not sure anyone will notice.

So why no more Facebook? Why now? No, it’s not related to any resolutions for 2011 and no, I don’t have any FB stalkers that have recently taken things to the next level (and even if I did, Facebook’s block function is a more than adequate solution to take care of those). Also, why is it that I assume ~98-99% of my current FB friends won’t care? The latter should be easy to grasp after you’ve read the rest of this post but first, I think I can sum up why I’ve deactivated my Facebook account in a fairly simple way: Facebook just doesn’t do it for me anymore.

I find my rationale quite elegant (and applicable) because when you think about it, Facebook has been built to (ideally) do different things for different people. To take it one step further, if you consider an individual user, Facebook can do/does (or should do) different things for them at different times in their life. Obviously, this is one of the powers behind Facebook; it is built to offer something to everyone and is designed to be used across generations, cultures, and personalities. Ultimately, whether you post one status update a day or ten, whether your photos section consists of one particularly flattering profile picture or 100 photo albums, or whether your number of friends is 10 or 1000, Facebook is a platform that caters to all . . . or does it? In particular, based on my decision to exit Facebook, I’m wondering how well it does with individual users over time . . . granted Facebook hasn’t been around THAT long, so I don’t know if they’ve yet to encounter any issues with customer retention, etc. However, I wonder how many others out there started a Facebook account, were active users for a significant period of time (at least one year) and have now moved on . . .

Facebook has changed since I joined, I’ve changed since I joined Facebook . . . my Facebook friends have also changed (both in terms of their personal lives and their Facebook activity) . . . all of this has left me wanting something more or something different from Facebook . . . and I’m not getting it.

Note: in a future post, I may delve into the various changes I allude to above however for now, I'll refrain on digging too deep and hopefully what's below will provide you with a satisfactory top-level view.

I joined Facebook in the summer of 2007 when I was traveling abroad and looking for a way to share my pictures with friends and family. At the time, I wasn’t familiar with other picture viewing platforms such as Flickr so I turned to Facebook. My first few months on Facebook were a rousing success; not only were my pictures a big hit, but I became friends with everyone on the trip and those connections led to many new relationships, other international travel, and innumerable great memories.

When I look back at my start on Facebook, I remember the excitement of being in the “building phase” (searching for and connecting with current friends and family) as well as the uncertainty and nervousness associated with the “extending phase” (searching for and connecting with old friends and/or extended family members you hadn’t been in touch with for a significant period of time). Both phases had their awkward moments but both were invaluable as they provided me with my Facebook friend foundation, a group that in the years since has for the most part stayed relatively constant (and relatively valuable in terms of keeping me informed, entertained, and/or interested).

In the last few years, Facebook friending became more opportunistic in nature (a good friend at work who you spent time with socially or the not so ugly girl you met at the bar who claimed she “totally wanted you to friend her before the night was over”) while Facebook itself became a place for me to take the term transparency to another level. Those of you who know me well realize that since high school (or maybe college), I’ve always been a pretty transparent guy but if you’re at all familiar with the depth and range of my Facebook page, and have any sense of the frequency of my status updates and/or other Facebook actions, then you know I was definitely a Facebookaholic. As with other friends and family, I know that my level of Facebook activity has correlated with certain events and times (being single vs. being in a relationship, having a mobile device which provides 24 hr access to Facebook vs. not, having a job you love vs. a job you hate, among others) however while my investment in Facebook has flowed and ebbed, it was for the most part a strong constant in my life from the start of 2008 through much of 2010.

As for my more recent Facebooking, I’ve found that the majority of my time has been spent declining invitations to events held at various bars and establishments throughout Boston, wondering how a variety of obscenely attractive girls ended up in my “People You May Know” section (probably because our mutual friends are various bars and establishments throughout Boston), and blocking various friends from my news feed because they were clogging things up and/or because I found that their material wasn’t adding any value to my Facebook experience (don’t worry: I’m not so naïve as to think I haven’t been blocked from the news feeds of ~98-99% of my FB friends).

Do my recent Facebooking actions make me a Facebook snob? Am I bad person? Do they imply that I think my Facebook friends are boring? Am I inconsiderate, selfish, and pompous? To all, of course not . . . but opinions outside of my own could vary. If anything, I suspect I am just another Facebook user and as such, have been working to customize and adjust my account in response to either my own, ever-evolving personal feelings, or the ever-changing actions and behaviors of my Facebook friends. However, if I were to characterize my recent behavior using a Facebook profile adjustment portfolio, I’d say I’ve had 5% in pro-active changes (e.g., searching for something I like and liking it) and 95% in reactive changes (e.g., liking something after I see that my brother likes it and/or blocking someone from my news feed after I throw up in my mouth a little bit upon reading their latest status update). In sum, my attempts to make my Facebook work for me have not been successful and a variety of other recent triggers (or realizations) have also led me to my decision to break ties with Facebook:

1. My close friends aren’t all that active on it anymore . . . but then again, my definition of “active” with regards to Facebook is quite skewed.
2. The number of Facebook friends who are now married and use Facebook as a forum for talking about their spouse, soon to be born child, and/or current children. For the record, I don’t have anything against spouses or children (unborn or born), but I’m just not there yet.
3. My interest in (and need for) news and information across a wide array of topics, particularly healthcare, has been growing over the last several months and Facebook isn’t helping me address these.
4. My time has become more valuable.
5. The desire to share the excruciating minutiae of every single event that transpires in my life has waned considerably (translation: I believe my life has become less riveting to others . . . but not to me of course).
6. For the sports teams, media outlets, and local establishments I’m friends with, there is too much overlap with what I’m seeing in other online venues and/or platforms . . . if I were going to use Facebook and Facebook only, then this probably wouldn’t be an issue but if I’ve already heard about something on ESPN, 98.5 the Sports Hub, and through the Boston Globe, I don’t need to see it on Facebook.
7. The activity associated with pages I’ve liked. As an example, I really like the Harry Potter movies . . . but I don’t need an update every time Daniel Radcliffe does another interview to discuss The Deathly Hallows Part I.
8. Growing concern that continual bombardment with the pictures of the wild and obnoxious various 20-somethings I’m friends with will lead me to start a fraternity at Suffolk University and become a real-life “Frank the Tank” (translation: I’m 32 and trying to enjoy it without reflecting too much on what was and/or could have been during my 20’s).
9. If I’m presently bored with my current Facebook experience, there isn’t a whole lot I can see happening which will change that sentiment (e.g., my current friend cohort will likely remain relatively fixed, etc.).
10. See number 4.

I know what you might be thinking: if you look at the reasons I’ve listed above and consider my other comments, you might imagine a scenario where I could simply de-friend several people (or block them), scale down my Facebook activity, apply a paradigm to my information searches (start with Yahoo Finance Medical/Pharmaceutical News, then Twitter, etc.), and/or identify what I really like about Facebook at present, and focus current efforts on exploiting Facebook for that. Sure, those are all logical and reasonable actions I could take but in response, I’d probably say “see #’s 4 and 10 above”.

For the record, a few things I’ll miss while I’m not on Facebook:

1. Ed Smith’s status updates.
2. Seeing the latest pictures of Ella Claire Smith (however, I am confident I can talk Paul C. Smith and/or Jenny MacLeod Smith into emailing these to me).
3. Perry Sparrow’s comments on Ed Smith’s status updates.
4. Russell B. Smith’s comments on my status updates.
5. Abhas Gupta’s photo albums . . . they always make me wish I was where he’d been and I usually mumble “FML” while viewing them.
6. Chatting with Lauren Purpura. Of the 10 to 12 chats I’ve ever had with friends on Facebook, I’m pretty sure 6 or 7 of them were with LP.
7. The things Chris Pratt “likes”.
8. All of my photo albums (thankfully, these are preserved for viewing and downloading in the future).
9. Seeing Adnan Nalwala’s latest attempts at comedy.
10. Seeing Kevin Sullivan’s latest attempts at being awesome.

Less than four years . . . it’s hard to believe that I wasn’t on Facebook longer. I know that it’s had a significant impact on my life, if only based on the amount of time I spent using it. I reconnected with countless friends and family members. I shared a lot of thoughts and commentary, and I even created a fan page . . . for myself. I don’t know if I’ve said goodbye to Facebook forever but for now, I’m content to walk away and savor a Facebook-less world . . . place your bets now on how long this holiday will last.

As many of you may know, Facebook recently overtook Yahoo to become the second largest source of video traffic (Google is #1) and I have no doubt that FB will not only continue to grow rapidly, but it will also work to develop new features and content to keep users engaged. However, I think one of its biggest challenges may lie in customer retention throughout time. You could call it the “Managing and Anticipating the Evolution of a Facebooker” dilemma or something like that. Granted, it may not matter to their bottom line given customer turnover is part of any business, total Facebook participation is at such a high level, and because Facebook has pushed aside MySpace and numerous other social media platforms to become the leader in its market. All that aside, I would be curious to know how others views the challenges of long-term customer retention for Facebook and/or if any studies or analyses that address this topic have been conducted.

Lastly, just so it’s out there, I am in no way a Facebook basher and my intention with this entry is not to bring into question the value of Facebook, spur FB to consider how to address the concerns I’ve brought up, and/or drive others to deactivate their Facebook accounts (on the latter two, it’s not like I could influence such things to happen anyway). However, I am curious to know if there are others out there who have found their Facebook experience to be changing and/or who might have recently walked away from Facebook after realizing that at the end of the day, it just wasn’t doing anything for them any longer.

To close, in an ironic twist, I just realized that my initial audience for this entry (as well as others in the future) is now considerably limited given my past blog readership has been driven primarily by my Facebook account . . . oh well, I’ll always have personal email alerts . . . and Twitter.

In 10 years . . .

. . . I'll be a Vice President.

. . . I'll have gone on a vacation with Ed.

. . . I'll have dominated someone on the volleyball court again with Mark Stagno as my setter.

. . . I'll have more nieces and nephews.

. . . I'll still drive a convertible.

. . . I'll be a little less hard on myself.

. . . I'll still like Twilight.

. . . I'll still love Seinfeld.

. . . I'll have reached my potential in a marathon . . . with Jeremy Vaille by my side.

. . . I'll have an incredibly beautiful and generous woman in my life . . . my Mom.

. . . I'll own a vacation home on Sebago Lake in Maine.

. . . I'll still wear cadet blue pants and seersucker vests (together).


. . . I'll still be drinking beer . . . and mojitos.


. . . I'll be thinking about my next career move.

. . . I'll live closer to my brothers.

. . . I'll have visited San Diego again . . . with J.T. in tow.

. . . I'll still say TWSS.

. . . I'll use the expression "FML" a little less frequently . . . I hope.

. . . I'll be taking myself more seriously (cringing).

. . . I'll have broken another heart.

. . . I'll have had my heart broken . . . again.

. . . I'll have some new jokes (no, seriously).

. . . I'll have said goodbye to some old friends and said hello to many new ones.

. . . I'll have learned something new that will have become an important part of my life.

. . . I'll have laughed more than I've cried.

. . . I'll have won more than I've lost.

. . . I'll have smiled more than I've frowned.

. . . I'll have loved more than I've hated.

. . . I'll have fought more than I've succumbed.

. . . I'll be 41 . . . and damn proud of it.

Inspired, Humbled, and Frustrated: Just Another Day at the Gym

Yesterday morning I woke up around 6 and was ready to hit the gym but not before engaging in one of my patented "doze, roll over, jerk awake, look at clock, roll eyes, repeat" routines for a good hour. I finally pulled myself out of bed around 7, muttering "FML" and chirping a few things to my cat before heading out the door. Half-awake, I shuffled over to the gym, dragged myself onto the treadmill and after the first mile, finally started to emerge mentally.

After my second mile, I noticed a guy climbing onto the treadmill next to me. After he started running, I realized I'd seen him before because I remembered him running with a funny gait. In particular, without turning and looking right at him, I could tell he was limping and I remember thinking a variety of things along the lines of "Why is this guy on a treadmill if he's limping? Shouldn't he be walking first before trying to run? Is this a rehab experiment gone bad? Is he stubborn? Is he an idiot? Is there anything I can do to help without coming off as a pompous jerk?"

Upon finishing my run, in between wiping down the treadmill and trying to stay upright, I decided to take a closer look and see if I could learn anything further about this guy. What I found was that he didn't have the build or form of your traditional runner. In fact, he was without his right leg and in its place, had a custom prosthetic leg similar to what this guy has:

Learning the true reason behind this guy's gait was pretty much the equivalent of a hard punch to the face. I was immediately feeling a lot of different things at once and while several would probably best fit in the "I'm an idiot" category, I was also inspired, humbled, and frustrated.

Inspired

A fairly obvious emotion to feel after seeing what I did but not something to be underestimated or under appreciated. There I was, having spent the morning griping, moping, and complaining to myself that getting out of bed at an early hour for a run was a major pain in the ass. My main motivation for doing so? Something along the lines of "I'll probably burn more fat this way not having eaten any breakfast and this should help to bring my abs out more." This guy next to me wakes up every day and has to deal with attaching a prosthetic device in order to be mobile. Not only that, but he goes to the gym, gets on the treadmill, and RUNS. After seeing this guy in action, I am going to be BRINGING IT on each and every run I do.

Humbled

I've achieved some things in my life but seeing this guy in action made me feel like I hadn't really done anything yet. I know it's a bit extreme to think like that but at the end of the day, I can't think of anything I've had to overcome and/or work through that would be on par with losing a leg. I had a really rough time with my knee several years ago, suffering through several surgeries and a struggle with narcotics-based pain management after what should have been a very simple procedure and recovery. While it was a very difficult experience for both me and my family, the only permanent impact that I can surmise has been my inability to get off the floor (or the sand) and hit a volleyball the way I used to . . . and yeah, I used to HIT volleyballs. My personality have been altered a bit b/c of the narcotics as I did find myself to be a lot more talkative and extroverted once I was med-free . . . but I have no hard evidence to back this claim up. Either way, I can't even begin to think about what it would be like for me today had those events led to my losing a leg . . .

Frustrated 

On the surface, I've got it pretty good right now. Internally, there's a lot of things going on. Over the last several years, I've grown increasingly frustrated with my inability to grow up. I can't point to any one aspect of my life that warrants more concern than others but suffice it to say, relationships, financial independence, career development, and general satisfaction with my life are all areas I've struggled with. Furthermore, my struggles with these things have led me to question every decision I make, over analyze things to the nth degree, and play way too many "what if" games. Ultimately, I know these events have kept me from reaching certain goals and exceeding not only my expectations, but those that others have of me. But you know what? I really don't have it that bad. And that is why seeing this guy frustrated me. Do I have things to worry about? Sure. Doesn't everyone? Yes. But these are things that are dealt with and managed such that they minimize the negative impact on our lives. Some are better than others at practicing this. I'm getting there. I have no idea where this guy is with regards to this phenomenon . . . maybe he has a relative with a terminal illness or is in a bad relationship. Maybe he's not getting what he wants out of his job or wishes he was living somewhere else. Maybe he's completely happy with his life and wouldn't change a thing. I don't know any of these things and I never will. However, seeing this guy run on the treadmill told me that in all likelihood, he isn't letting any frustration with his current situation keep him from doing the things he wants to.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love My Father

I love my father an awful lot but it's not something I tell him very often. I figured there couldn't be a more appropriate time to try and capture how much he means to me than on Father's Day. With that, I present the top ten reasons why I love my father:

1. His love for Maine

All of the times at Point Sebago, my decision to attend Bates College, my hope to have a vacation home in Maine someday . . . these all are because of the time my father spent in Maine growing up. In particular, my father grew close to Maine as a boy and then passed on this connection to me when I was growing up. I love Maine and always will, thanks to my father.

2. His sense of humor

It doesn't seem all that long ago that I found myself cringing at my father's jokes as he'd usually be telling the same one over and over or retelling jokes from some comedian that used to perform back in the '60s . . . and then I noticed that I routinely quote funny lines from movies and shows over and over (such as TWSS) and over the years, have gotten more and more fond of movies like Young Frankenstein and comedians like Rodney Dangerfield . . . the funny thing is, regardless of my seemingly insurmountable dating ineptitude, the ladies always seem to think I'm pretty funny and for that, I can thank my father.

3. His appreciation for the past

He doesn't throw many things out, he loves to talk about the "good old days", and he often talks about movies, actors, friends, and events that to me, are in a galaxy far, far away. Why is this important to me? It's taught me that you should never forget where you came from and always try to learn from your past mistakes. In particular, the past provides us with an opportunity to reflect on both what has been and what could have been; my appreciation of this has allowed me to put certain things behind me, while learning from other things so I can become a better man. It's also taught me that one should never forget old friends.

4. His love for jazz and Frank

My taste in music ranges far and wide but I have a special place in my heart for Frank Sinatra and jazz. I have my father to thank for getting me into Ol' Blue Eyes, and with the jazz, I feel connected to the grandfather I never had the privilege of meeting, but whose name I am thankful my father and mother chose for me.

5. His love of basketball

As a kid, I always considered basketball to be my best sport and it was consistently the one I enjoyed playing the most. My only regret is that I never developed the jump shot my father apparently had going during his Silver Lake High School days in the late '50s. Even though my father still loves high school and college basketball, over the last several years he has lost a little love for the NBA (and that's putting it nicely). Even so, he puts up with my steadfast support for all things Boston Celtics (even that overpaid stiff Pierce!) and for that, I am thankful :)

6. His past international travels

During his short stint in the US Army, my father spent a lot of time traveling in Europe while he was stationed in France. Later in life, he spent a lot of time going on cruises throughout the Caribbean. While I didn't spend any time abroad during college, afterwards I decided to take the plunge and spend nearly two months in Asia where I met some amazing people who I am still friends with today. After that, I hit Dubai and Zurich. Who knows what's next but my love for all things ex-US and my willingness to look to international waters for fun and memories all comes back to my father.

7. His mother and father

Grandma Duffy taught me the value of real estate (and a great pot of baked beans!) and Grandpa Smith (through my father) inspired me to try foods like alligator and develop a love for the woods. More importantly, I can tell how much my father loved his parents and that has made me realize the importance of family and how your parents should be always be respected and coveted by their children.

8. His love for reading

My mother always talks about how I started reading at a very young age and how my father would read aloud to me before I could do it myself. While my father always says that I got all of my "brains" from my mother, I know better. I have learned so much through reading and like to think that my ability to think about things from a "big picture perspective", as well as to appreciate the details, is due in part to the amount of reading I've done over the years. From The Hardy Boys to organic chemistry textbooks, I've always had my head in a book and will always have a book close by, no matter where I am.

9. His "whiskers"

While it's been years since I got my last one, my father used to give my brothers and I a "whisker" when we were kids. Basically he'd put his arm around one of us and rub his face against our own whenever it had been a few days since he last shaved. I know it sounds silly and seems like a funny way to show affection but while my father has transitioned to giving our hair an occasional tussle or patting us on the back now and then, I don't think anything will ever top the "whisker".

10. His unwavering love and support

I've screwed up more times than I can count and while many of us do while we're kids, my ability to make bonehead decisions continues to be a regular part of my existence. Whenever I've needed something, my father has always been there for me, no questions asked. We may not always see eye to eye on things but no matter how stubborn or stupid I behave, he always does everything he can to help me out. Despite all of the trials and tribulations I've experienced to this point of my life, I'm pretty happy with how I've turned out and I know that I wouldn't be where I am, nor who I am, if it wasn't for my father.

I hope my father will read this tonight (actually, I can pretty much guarantee it given the close eye he keeps on my Facebook page) and see that I love him for many different reasons.

I love you Dad and Happy Father's Day!

Beach Network: Essentials

I recently got out for my first beach day and I realized that if you're a beach lover, if you want to maximize the overall sum of your beach experiences, you need a proper beach network. What's a beach network? I'd describe it as a collection of people, places and items that are leveraged in order to capitalize on all of one's opportunities to be at the beach . . . yeah, it definitely took me 30 minutes to come up with that definition.

In short, if you're a beach guy (or gal), you're going to need several critical assets in order to get the most out of your beach times. In no particular order, here are the key components that any beach lover should have within their beach network:

The one with a beach house

Many of us are fortunate to grow up in a family that has one of their own . . . but many of us aren't. The solution? Make sure you have a friend that fits into the former group. You won't always be able to take advantage, particularly once you're out of college and this friend may not be in a position to re-create scenes from American Pie 2 every weekend. That aside, said friend will typically always reserve a couple of weekends when you can count on an invite and get ready to live out your best "One Crazy Summer" scenes such as this one.

The one who lives near a beach

Not quite as sexy as the one with the house but if they're near a beach, you can always stop there on the way to pick up anything you might have forgotten (such as a chair or cooler) and/or you can drop in on your way back for a quick shower, a mojito, or something cool I don't even know about.

The one who loves the beach as much as you

Unless you're a solo beach artist, this is an absolute must. Having someone that can identify with your passion, can join you from time to time when you're eager for company, and who under no circumstances will ever say something like "So how long are we going to stay?" 30 minutes after arrival, is critical.

The one who goes to the beach once every five years

Why is this essential? He or she keeps things interesting. They may not share the same love you have but for those random times they show up, it'll give you a fresh set of eyes and may bring something new to your beach table. However, if you find they're only taking things off the beach table, find yourself a new option.

The beach chair

This was something I didn't truly appreciate until a few years ago when I shifted from the "I'm going to spend 95% of my time walking back and forth with my abs flexed and see how many girls look at me after I've had a cooler of rum runner" beach day to "I'm going to bathe myself in SPF 12, rock Jack Johnson on my iPod, read Twilight (cringing) until my eyes get heavy, and then pass out for 6 hrs" beach day. I'll still do the occasional up and down walk (sans ab flex) however the majority of my time is spent rocking the chair.

The one with a jeep or convertible

I consider myself lucky to have a convertible and to also have a buddy with a jeep. There's nothing that gets me fired up for the beach more than putting the top down or jumping into a doorless jeep, throwing the music on, grabbing an iced coffee, and feeling the wind in your hair and the sun on your face as you head towards the sand . . . there's also nothing better than being in one of these vehicles on your way back from the beach; when the sun's heading down, the breeze picks up, you've got Sinatra on the dial, your feet are covered in sand, and there's a hint of coconut tanning oil in the air, I'm not sure that the start of a summer evening can get any better.

The beach snack

Everyone that goes to the beach has their snack of choice. For some it's Swedish Fish, for others it's Goldfish. There was a time when my cooler would have nothing but protein bars, baby carrots, and wheat pita bread slices . . . but then I realized that eating Cape Cod potato chips is infinitely more enjoyable.

The beach cologne/perfume

Over the years, there have been many and in many ways, all have paralleled my style and/or prevailing behavior of the times: A&F's Fierce, CK One Summer, G. Armani's Acqua Di Gio, Issey Miyake, and many others. I always wonder how my beach experiences might have been enhanced were I to have the scent championed by one Mr. Cosmo Kramer.

The sandals

Think function over flash - they may be worn, but your feet will thank you for them.

The lazy beach

Rough week at the office? Looking to avoid a bunch of screaming toddlers and long lines at the clam shack? You need an option that provides calm waves, lots of space, a favorable parking situation, and a clear path to the sand.

The beach by the lake

With all of the time I've spent at Sebago Lake over the years, I've developed a strong appreciation for all of the differences between beaches by the ocean and those by the lake. I'll hold on discussing all of them here as it would probably warrant it's own post but what I would say is that if you're into the beach as much as I am, I think it's key that you maintain some beach balance and make sure you have a freshwater option. Not convinced you need a beach option at the lake? Maybe this scene will help sway you.

The "Hey Everybody! We're All Gonna Get Laid!" beach

Single? Looking? Do you enjoy having alcohol readily available while you're at the beach? Do you enjoy having lots of men and women with morally casual attitudes nearby when you're at the beach? If so, you're going to need an option that will provide you with babes, booze, boys, and lots of hook-up potential. In particular, you need a beach that'll make you exclaim this whenever you arrive.

The beach beverage

It could be a summer ale, Sparks, or a concoction that is 4 parts rum, 1 part fruit juice, and 2 parts ice. While I'd attempt cartwheels naked for regular doses of sangria and/or mojitos at the beach, there are certain logistical challenges to having those readily available (at a level of quality you're accustomed to having in a bar setting). The solution? Go with a killer beer (don't forget the Solo cups) or get your rum punch filled cooler on.

Other critical items I'm too lazy to write about but am listing because I can't ignore their importance

The beach bag, the beach wardrobe, the beach towel, the beach bar, the beach music, the beach book/magazine, the beach sunglasses, the beach game, and the destination beach.

Anything I've missed? What do you love most about the beach? Any beach haters out there? Being single at the beach versus being with the family and/or kids at the beach . . . thoughts? Favorite beach music? Favorite beach beverage? Let me know what you think and if I'm slow to respond, it's probably because I'm beaching it!

One of these days . . .

I'll remember to have an umbrella handy when it's raining.

I'll go talk to that girl sitting in the corner.

Ed and I will go back to Bermuda . . . and probably behave like this:






I won't have that last drink.

I'll install the towel ring I bought at Restoration Hardware . . . since buying it, the Restoration Hardware store has closed and a Tannery has opened in the same location after extensive renovations.

I will play volleyball again.

I will run a marathon in less than 3 hrs, 30 minutes.














I will live in a city other than Boston.
 

I will own a place at Point Sebago.














I will make myself proud.

I will cook for myself more than once a week.

I will write a book.

I will go to one of the restaurants my Dad has told me about.

I'll go back to school . . . again . . . kidding.














I will take my Mom ice skating.

I will be a VP.

I will watch the rest of the 4th season of The OC.











I will go back to London.

I will remember not to say "that's funny" after someone tells a joke that isn't funny.

I will stop striking poses such as this one:










(and also hold on combining green and navy rugby scarves with pink sweaters).

I will throw out my ripped jeans from Hollister.

I will have just one mortgage on my balance sheet.

I will host a Preppy Party at some place other than my apartment.

I will realize that liking Twilight isn't all that minty . . . (yeah, this probably won't happen)






I will try brewing my own beer.

I will pass out on a Plymouth sandbar again.

I will successfully perform a magic trick.








I will go fly fishing again.

I will do something immediately after a person tells me to do it.

I will check my mail more than once a week.

I will do my own laundry more than once a month.

I will find a way to show my parents how much they mean to me.

I won't cry at the end of Forever Young.

I'll take my Uncle Richard to a Celtics game . . . althought I'm not sure I'll be able to score the first two folding chairs at center court . . .

I'll tell my brothers how much I really love them.














I'll stop worrying about if and when I'm ever going to get married.

I'll grow my hair out again.

I'll give my dream of becoming a J.Crew model a more serious shot.

I will get my six pack back.















I will fly a kite.

I will reach my potential.

I will visit another wonder of the world.




I will not think to myself "I can just do that later."

I will start drinking Diet Coke again.

I will put the top down when it's raining.

I will cry because I feel alone.

I will do something truly special with my oldest friend. 









I won't get caught looking.

I won't say "That's what she said." at least twice a day.

I'll realize that things could be worse.

I'll realize that things could be better.

I'll realize that some things are out of our control.

I'll realize which things are in our control.

I will grow up.

Carpe Diem

“Seizing the day” is a concept we’re all familiar with and that each of us practices to some degree. I’ve often wondered if there’s a “best” amount of carpe diem that we should all aspire to have . . . or if like everything else in life, it’s variable and depends on the person.

Many argue that there’s no alternative to carpe diem; if there’s an opportunity to do something exciting or great, go for it. “You might never have this chance again! What are you waiting for?! Do it!” Is this a reasonable philosophy to embrace throughout one’s life? Maybe . . . but I’m guessing that a low percentage of the population would agree.

Carpe diem is a tough thing to practice and an even tougher thing to come to terms with. I’ve struggled mightily with it in the past and I’m pretty sure I’ll do so again in the future. I wonder if this is a healthy thing and/or if I’m alone. As I’ve matured over the years (yes, I can hear you laughing), I’ve learned that you can’t realistically go for everything and that life is all about choices. Opportunity cost is bigger than we think and it can drive you crazy. I think what’s most important from a mental health perspective is being able to say to oneself “I know why I decided not to go for that and I can live with it” . . . in other words, I think carpe diem and “no regrets” go hand in hand. I think it’s also about being smart and recognizing one’s strengths and weaknesses; if you’re thinking about carpe diem as an investment portfolio, go heavy in things you’re more likely to enjoy and/or achieve happiness with and go light in the riskier one-offs and opportunities that are more likely to end in failure. Overall, it may be true that it’s better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all but if in advance of trying, you haven’t come to grips with the reality of failure, it can be argued that you should hold on buying.

In honor of all things carpe diem, I thought I’d share a list of characters that all practice seizing the day . . . but to varying degrees. As with my past presentations of character lists, I’m hoping some of you will suggest additions that can help round out the group.

The Couch Potato

Seize the day? They’d rather seize the remote. In other words, there isn’t anything they’re getting excited about and if an opportunity presents itself, they aren’t seeing it, they’ll ignore it, and/or they’ll find a way out of it.

The Dabbler

Generally doesn’t make any big moves but on occasion, he or she will give something a shot just to say they tried it. Selected examples include: kissing a (non-family) member of the same sex, going commando, having a second piece of pie, putting maple syrup on pizza, drinking a Three Wise Men, and listening to Taylor Swift (at high volume) on an iPod in a men’s locker room. Also, they're prone to spontaneous episodes of doing the opposite of what they'd normally do . . .

The One-time Half Marathoner

They run a few miles on the treadmill a couple of times a week. They may do a 5K road race once a year or a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. Then one day they decide (often through peer pressure or an inspirational story) that they’d like to push themselves just a bit further . . . they do it . . . they get really drunk after . . . and they never do it again . . . (they’ll get drunk many more times but you can forget about another half marathon).

The Philanthropist

If it wasn’t for charity or to help a good cause, they wouldn’t be doing it.

The Family Man (or Woman)

His or her carpe diem moves generally trend with the theme of practicality: a new loan mower, splurging on that big trip to Disney, or opting to invite the couple nobody likes to a Saturday BBQ. Like this guy, they are occasionally prone to intense moments of passion in order to make sure their hard work to seize the day pays off for everyone.

The Strategic Opportunist

Overall, they may live a cushy Nerf life but it doesn’t mean they aren’t waiting and willing to jump at the right moment. Selected examples include: buying stocks instead of mutual funds, going for something other than missionary when their long-term partner has had a few drinks, and stealing second in a company softball game. Ultimately, this individual is willing to deal with the consequences should things not work out and by being selective with his or her opportunities, their overall carpe diem balance should be fairly stable. What separates this individual from The Dabbler? Higher risk, higher returns.

The Lloyd Christmas

They’ll do anything for love.

The Career Development Man (or Woman)

They may not take risks or try new things in their personal lives but in the office, if they see a chance to get involved with a new project, join a new team, or get a promotion, they’re dropping everything and going for it. For reference, the guy in the picture below is apparently taking a different approach to his career . . .

The Hailey

Remember the episode during the first season of The OC when Kirsten’s sister Hailey shows up and drama unfolds because she can’t act like an adult? . . . (crickets) . . . anyway, Hailey was someone consumed with having fun all the time and as a result, hadn’t yet learned any adult responsibilities . . . she basically practiced carpe diem to the extreme. I’ve met people like Hailey before and like Kirsten, I’ve often wondered if they’re really having any fun . . .

So what do you think about carpe diem? Is it important to you? Do you practice it frequently? Do you practice it at all? Do you struggle with it? Do you struggle with regrets? My followers and I want to hear from you!

Stay classy,

Russ

The Looks Women Give One Another: They Ain't Pretty

I've been on a bit of a hiatus w/r/t blogging but on the way out of the gym this morning, it suddenly hit me: I know what I can write about next! In fact, I actually witnessed an example of today's topic in real time and was so moved by it, I knew I had to write about it immediately.

(More importantly, this morning's revelation made me feel like I'm starting to sense a theme to my writing: a little bit pop culture, a little bit human behavior, a little bit minty . . . ok so maybe these things don't really form a cohesive whole but whatevs. Maybe it's the randomness of my writing w/r/t topics that makes it so endearing to my 10 followers? . . . either way, I'm back baby!)

What did I see on my way out of the gym? I am coming down the hallway and see a woman who appears to be peering down the hall in my direction. As I get closer, I see a second woman approaching from the left who is essentially crossing in front of the first woman . . . and as my eyes move back to the first woman, I see her giving the second woman a prolonged, up and down visual review, with a look on her face that was a combination of "wow", "ugh", and "FYL" . . .

Now I have no idea what this first woman was thinking and why she gave the look she did. Maybe she was having a bad day and was just glaring at everyone she saw. Maybe the first woman's former husband had cheated on her with the second woman. Maybe the second woman was wearing Sex Panther for women. However, regardless of the specific reason(s) behind the dirty look, this is just one small example of a behavior I've witnessed an infinite number of times among the ladies. Based on my high degree of knowledge around this particular phenomenon, my high understanding of women in general (insert any and all jokes here), and my discussions with several women over the years about this behavior, here are some of my suggested and/or probable reasons for why woman A is glaring at and/or giving woman B a negative look:

1) Woman B is dressed like a whore, tramp, slut, and/or morally casual individual
2) Woman B is dressed in a way that Woman A wishes she could dress like (such as a whore, tramp, slut, and/or morally casual individual), but just can't and/or won't pull it off for any number of reasons (her figure, she's married, she has kids, her morals, etc.)
3) Woman B is acting like she's having a blast and Woman A just thinks she's too outgoing and/or loud (in this case, Woman A is usually having a bad time)
4) Woman B is younger than Woman A and Woman A feels old looking at her
5) Woman B has guys surrounding her and Woman A can't understand why
6) Woman B has guys surrounding her and Woman A doesn't
7) Woman B has a great body and Woman A thinks she doesn't
8) Woman B has a great body and Woman A doesn't
9) Woman B is making out with a guy and Woman A isn't
10) Woman B is making out with a guy that Woman A wants to make out with
11) Woman B is making out with a guy and this offends Woman A because she thinks it's a little bit much but in reality, Woman A just wants to make out with the guy
12) Woman B has done something specific to offend Woman A such as saying something rude or giving Woman A a dirty look . . . for the record, I think this reason fits maybe . . . 0.00000004% of the time
13) Woman B is drunk and Woman A isn't (or Woman A isn't drunk enough to ignore her)
14) Woman B is sober and Woman A is shattered
15) Any combination of the above reasons (which is the case more often than not)

There could obviously be 400,000 other reasons and I'd love to hear from you on what you think other ones might be . . . for example, in this picture, I'm pretty sure the dirty look isn't rooted in any of the reasons above:

I know that women tend to size other women up because it's a natural behavior intertwined with our DNA and evolutionary history (think women competing for men, etc. and you'll get the drift) but I also know things like pop culture, the focus on beauty and material possessions in the media, and feelings of insecurity and/or a lack of confidence must also play a role. In particular, I wonder if in today's world, women are feeling more self-conscious and/or disconcerted with themselves or other women, and are therefore tossing around more dirty looks than they were 20 years ago . . .

Now I'm not going to pretend like guys don't engage in this behavior too and that it isn't rooted in reasons similar to those above; guys definitely check one another out (in both minty and non-minty fashion) and will give one another dirty looks from time to time (or maybe all the time) but I figured I'd call out the behavior as observed among women given . . . well, I like women, haha. Also, I thought it was about time I tried writing about a topic that might generate a few haters as I've heard that having people dislike you is one of the keys to becoming big in the media world . . . which should obviously be my number one goal given my dream of becoming a J.Crew model :)

Hope to hear from you on this phenomenon/behavior and in particular, would love to know if you think it's more prevalent among women than in men!

The Coffee Experience

I thought it would be fun to write a bit about my love for coffee as I've always considered it one of my greatest passions. In particular, it got me thinking . . . why do I love it so much? Many would say it's due to its addictive properties and I know that those are partly to blame. However, when I think about coffee, I think about so many things besides it's taste and how I feel afterwards . . . I think about the experiences that are connected to it.

When I think about coffee, I think about mornings at my parents' house, sitting at the kitchen table with my Mom while my Dad is at the computer, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

When I think about coffee, I remember being at the cafeteria at Bates College after dinner, filling up two paper cups with a combination of coffee and cocoa powder (a "poor man's mocha"), and then stacking them on top of one another for easy travel to the library.

When I think about coffee, I remember being at a cafe in Dubai with my buddy Val, sitting outside as the sun was going down late in the afternoon, just hanging out and joking around.

When I think about coffee, I picture being by Sebago Lake in Maine in the morning, walking barefoot in the sand, as I carry a mug, a book, and a chair to the beach.

When I think about coffee, I picture having dessert on Thanksgiving with my family, with a big cup of Dunkin Donuts accompanying my pumpkin pie and ice cream.

When I think about coffee, I see crazy weekends in Medford with J.T. and Payne, having recovery afternoons before we got ready for another wild night, and making sure iced venti nonfat white mochas were in the mix.

When I think about coffee, I'm in Zurich on a cold January afternoon, a tourist on a mission, trekking from cafe to cafe and trying a cappuccino at each one . . . and recording each visit with a photograph such as the one above.

When I think about coffee, my favorite show Seinfeld comes to mind along with all of my favorite coffee shop scenes. And for the record, just like Jerry, I get my coffee on the outside!

When I think about coffee, I think about a first date when a fun conversation kept going and going . . . and eventually led to dinner :)

When I think about coffee, I remember being in a hospital bed and my Mom bringing me iced coffee and maple scones when she visited . . . truly one of the only things I had to look forward to at the time.

To me, coffee is all about the experience and it always will be - so many great memories are connected to it and so many moments in the future will be. I've laughed with coffee and cried with coffee, kissed with coffee and yelled with coffee, triumphed with coffee and failed with coffee, dreamed with coffee and woken with coffee, loved with coffee and hated with coffee. Ultimately, I have lived with coffee . . . and I always will.

In closing, I share with you the best part about my coffee experiences: I can definitely drink coffee late in the day and be just fine . . . unlike this guy.

I'd love to hear about your feelings for coffee and to know if you feel the same way that I do . . . that coffee is all about the experience!

My Top 25 Comedies . . . in no particular order

As many of you know, one of my biggest influencers is Bill Simmons. Bill has written many articles over the years in which he breaks down individual movies, lists his favorite movies and/or moments within certain genres, and/or weaves memorable movie quotes into his commentary on sports and pop culture. Naturally it's only fitting that I get involved in writing something similar and over the weekend, I chatted with several friends about the idea of writing about my favorite comedies.

My original plan was to actually do this in two parts (in an ode to a two-part Simmons mailbag or other column) with 20-11 today and then 10-1 tomorrow. Additionally, I had planned to include a brief paragraph on each selection that would help explain my rationale for its positioning within the list. After a prolonged period of reflection on this plan that lasted maybe . . . 2 minutes, I decided to keep things simple for now and just get down what I feel are my favorite 25 comedies of all time, without any ranking among the 25. I chose 25 because the number 20 became too restrictive . . . as it is, numerous movies I love were kept out of the top 25 (I've listed many of them below such that you can either support or refute their exclusion) and I also excluded many movies that I find funny because I didn't feel they were true comedies (you can find examples of these listed below as well).

Despite the lack of ranking below and my feeling that comfortably doing so would be next to impossible for me, I can unequivocally say that my favorite comedy of all time is Dumb and Dumber . . . I challenge you to come up with a compelling argument for why any other movie ever made is funnier . . . in fact, I think I'll dedicate a post in the future to breaking down why I think Dumb and Dumber is the funniest comedy ever . . . in any event, it's just my opinion but if your opinion differs . . . well, you're just an idiot :)

Criteria used to make my selections

1. Rewatchability: how well does the movie hold up if you watch it a second time or in the case of Animal House, a 43rd time?
2. Quotability: how often do I quote lines from the movie in my daily interactions with others? For example, I probably use the expression "someone with a morally casual attitude" at least . . . 5 times a week . . . not to describe myself of course . . .
3. Laugh-out-loud moments: how many times did I actually open my mouth to laugh as opposed to just smirking? For example, during the opening montage of Wedding Crashers, I usually laugh out loud between 5 and 10 times at things Vince Vaughn does.
4. Unintentional comedy: how many moments are there that I find to be hilarious, yet were probably not intended to be? When Walter Peck says "May I please . . . see . . . the storage facility?" to Peter Venkman in Ghostbusters, I find this to be ridiculously funny . . . although I'm guessing most of the audience in the theater never did.

 With that, here are my top 25 comedies of all time:

• National Lampoon's Vacation
• Dumb and Dumber
• Spaceballs
• Ghostbusters
• Dazed and Confused
• Austin Powers
• National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
• Billy Madison
• Happy Gilmore
• Ace Ventura
• Wayne's World
• Old School
• American Pie
• Caddyshack
• Back to School
• Animal House
• Superbad
• Wedding Crashers
• Airplane
• Road Trip
• Anchorman
• The Wedding Singer  
• Monty Python and The Holy Grail
• Liar Liar
• Tommy Boy

Notable Exceptions

 

One big exception you may have already thought of is Blazing Saddles and my only reason for not including it in my Top 25 is because I have only seen bits and pieces of it and therefore don't have enough experience with it . . . also, I thought I Love You Man was hilarious but felt it was too new to include (and is it really a comedy?). The Hangover is also a very tough one to omit and if I were to put this list together a year from now, it would probably make it easily but for now, the ones I've listed above have stood the test of time and I can't leave them out! Other notable exceptions: Young Frankenstein, South Park The Movie, Bachelor Party, One Crazy Summer, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Major League, Austin Powers 2, Blades of Glory, Can't Hardly Wait, Clueless, Real Genius, Weird Science, Revenge of the Nerds, and Porky's.

 

Movies I find hilarious for many reasons but I excluded b/c I felt they fit into other genres

 

The Goonies, Beverly Hills Cop, Swingers, Back to the Future, Kindergarten Cop, Commando (chuckling), The Karate Kid, Sixteen Candles, 48 Hours, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Beetlejuice

 

What do you think? Any egregious omissions? Any that you're particularly flabbergasted about? Any movies I classified as non-comedies that you think should be deemed comedies (for the record, I did not go to IMDB.com or any other film-related website to identify proper genres so apologies in advance for my naivete). Let me know!

Customer Service: Should All Companies Make it a Focus?

A few days ago I was walking into my local Shaw's when a staff member greeted me at the door with a "How are you doing today, sir?" . . . WTF?!

I know Walmart has employed store greeters for years and some other places have caught on as well (Best Buy and Crate & Barrell are two others that come to mind) but a supermarket? Really? But you know what? I liked it.

All through business school, professors pounded the importance of customer service into our heads, declaring that any company or business with poor customer service wouldn't necessarily be doomed to fail, but it would be destined to underperform. In my experience as a consumer and as an amateur analyst of businesses, I've found this to be fairly accurate. In fact, I'm no longer surprised with the amount of variability and lack of consistency in customer service that I experience on a daily basis; some companies are good at it, others suck at it, and some just can't figure out what type of customer service they're supposed to provide. Perhaps what resonates with me most is the lack of inconsistency you'll find in customer service within a chain of retail stores or other type of business.

For example (cringing), you can walk into one J.Crew store and be greeted warmly by someone at the door, be approached by someone once to see if you might need any help finding anything, and are then left to enjoy your department(s) of interest at your leisure. You go into a second J.Crew store and you are ignored when you first walk in, approached by no less than five different staff members before you've even made it to the men's section, and you don't get offered a bottle of water or cookies when you're at the register! Ok, so the last one is something they only do during the holidays but you get my point, right?

For a long time now, many businesses have included customer service in their corporate values or mission, hoping that this will help recruit the right employees and also create a focus on providing good customer service throughout the company. However, clearly this isn't enough. In particular, many companies have gone a step further and started to tie customer service to performance ratings, both at the business unit and the employee level. I think this is a good strategy and should help ensure that employees will focus on providing good customer service . . . well, in theory it will; if you were being judged in part based on your level of customer service, and knew your compensation and/or likelihood for advancement was directly tied to it, wouldn't you focus on it?

With today's economy, not to mention the numerous and varied drivers of revenues and profits, how much should companies invest in customer service? I know the short answer is "it depends" but I am curious as to whether or not there have been formulas or algorithms developed to help answer this question . . . I am sure many academics and executives have already researched and written on this topic but I am too lazy to go to Google this morning . . . additionally, I completed this blog post last night but it was mysteriously lost/deleted by Blogger so . . . yeah, I just want to get this thing posted, haha.

Another thing to consider is that the definition of what makes customer service "good" can vary from person to person so a form of customer service that can be catered to the individual may be more likely to succeed in the long run . . . but then again, it depends :) Furthermore, the level of customer service anticipated varies considerably depending on the business . . . if you call Comcast, you expect professionalism and efficiency - if you complain to someone at McDonald's that your fries are too salty, you're really just hoping for a set of replacement fries . . . a smile, an apology, and a free gift card as well? Probably not happening. After all, isn't all customer service at McDonald's like this?

So what do you all think? Which companies and/or services can get away with shoddy customer service? Which ones wouldn't exist today without great customer service? Which ones need to improve? Which ones need to dial it down a notch? As for Shaw's, will I visit this particular store more often b/c of their store greeters? Nope. But will my experience there be a little bit better and is it possible there will be some day in the future when a "How are you doing today, sir?" upon my arrival will help turn around a bad day? Yup. In particular, even if customer service programs and initiatives don't impact the bottom line, they can still help with customer retention and satisfaction.

I'll leave you with this clip which I love because it captures the way I always deal with bad customer service: humor.

Have a great weekend and see you next week!

CL

CL

I feel like it may turn out be Acronym Week as I thought that in today's post it would be fun to discuss (and perhaps introduce to some of you) a term my friends and I used to quote many moons ago . . . and that we'll still sometimes bring to the table on special occasions: CL.

CL stands for caught looking and as you may have quickly surmised, it refers to the act of being caught looking at a member of the opposite sex. At this page, you'll find the greatest collection of CL shots I've ever seen and after scrolling through it, I gave up trying to pick one to place at the header of this post . . . they're all just too amazing for words.

I can't take credit for CL and I'm not sure who is the originator but I remember my buddy Mark introducing me to it back in middle school . . . or maybe it was elementary school . . . although I'm pretty sure none of us were scoping girls in elementary school and given I was regularly sporting a NKOTB T-shirt like this one at that age, you can bet that girls were not what I was regularly getting caught looking at . . .

In what may be the greatest capture of CL in modern film, we see both the excitement of a daring look and the distress that can occur if one gets caught. Granted, this particular example shows a pretty bold move on the part of Michael Cera as not only does he have the girl behind him, but he's also holding his look for a good couple of seconds; this is quite daring and I'm not sure I would have tried this back when I was in high school . . . but that's probably b/c I was always too focused on the blackboard (nerd alert!)

One thing I will say about CL is that it's definitely something you can grow out of and in particular, something you can develop strategies against. Alcohol often helps with the shame of being caught looking because let's face it: if you're out at a bar, single, and drunk, isn't the whole point to lock up as many CL moments as possible?! Also, I think that as you gain experience interacting and flirting with members of the opposite sex, you develop a little more tact when it comes to stealing glances and looks at one (or some feature of one) who interests you . . . I say this because giving a quick glance at a girl on the treadmill next to me (without getting caught) is infinitely more manageable than it was back in college . . . then again I now run marathons for fun so perhaps this ability is in some way tied to my running skills.

Rather than go into detail about my all-time greatest moments in CL history (or dive into further analysis on the trials and tribulations associated with the CL experience), I thought it would be more fun to hear from you about the times and situations in which you've been caught looking; I'd love to hear about your funniest or most embarrassing CL moment so I hope you'll share them here!

Flirtweet

  

In other news, I've recently started a company. Well, I guess I haven't officially incorporated anything yet but that might not be too far away . . . I guess you could say that I've started the process of creating a brand. Last night I went onto the USPTO website and filed a trademark application for the following word:

Flirtweet

Actually, I shouldn't be taking all the credit for this because the concept and idea of Flirtweet has been bounced off of several friends, family members, and former B-school classmates already . . . in fact, a discussion with the latter group of folks last night is what prompted me to go ahead and attempt to secure the trademark.

Does the Flirtweet brand have any specific meanings attached to it yet? Nope. Do we have ideas? You betcha! Some of the potential meanings: witty, naughty, original, intimate, pressure, love, sex(y), safe, less risky, saving face, voyeuristic . . . and many more.

We envision the foundation of Flirtweet as an online community platform that will provide both content we create, as well as a hearty supply of user-generated content. What that content will be remains to be determined (if only we could nail down those darned brand meanings!) but what we do know is that it will revolve around flirting, dating, relationships, love, sex, and intimacy . . . and how it is driven by, influenced, facilitated, and intensified through social media . . . curious yet?


Are we going to educate people on how to flirt online? Maybe . . . but probably not. Are we going to offer information, media, and opinions on all things related to flirting and romantic interactions that are occuring through social media . . . might be getting warmer . . . once we have our brand meanings locked down, we'll start thinking (as well as soliciting and generating) content and from there, we'll move forward.

Are we going to have a mobile app? Yesh . . . I mean, yeppers . . . but do we go with something for the iPhone along the lines of this or do we work with the Android? . . . we're thinking the 'Droid.


A brief competitive analysis finds that someone on Twitter attempted to call out the concept of Flirtweeting but their activity, as well as that seen on their blog appears to be a little lackluster . . .

What's also good to see is that a quick search reveals how people are using social media to share their romantic lives with others. Even celebrities are getting into it! (well, if Alyssa Milano still counts as a celebrity) . . . in fact, it's clear from this that Alyssa and her hubby aren't the only celebs getting into the mix.

The bottom line is that social media has completely transformed the way people interact on a romantic level. Can you imagine what flirting, dating, and relationships would be like today without Match.com, Facebook, Twitter, eHarmony, or any other number of social media services? Is this is a phenomenon that people are aware of? Of course. Have numerous academics, media folk, and other educated people written, debated, and discussed it? Absolutely! But is there a brand that defines, captures, and promotes this phenomenon? Nope. To that end, we want to be clear right out of the gate and say that we're thinking bigger than Twitter and hoping to capture things in this vein that are happening throughout the social media world.

In closing, look for me to be sporting a white cotton T-shirt with the Flirtweet logo on it before the week is out; there's nothing like the power of guerilla marketing to get the buzz going. After all, if these two girls can make money with something like Flirtexting, we're going to do just fine. That being said, it's clear from this that not everyone has been impressed with their work. And lastly, if you check out this interview with the Flirtexting ladies, it's clear that if someone with their intelligence level is aware of flirting in other social media outlets, it won't be long before someone brands this behavior and makes a whole lot of money doing it . . . I've got a feeling that someone is going to be us :)

The DHG

The DHG

Many of the things I'll write about in this space are ones which I've considered sharing with a broader audience for a long time. In particular, many of the topics I'll cover will revolve around things my friends and I used to spend countless hours debating and discussing, for no compelling reason other than they were either:

A) fun to talk about while drunk
B) a way to pass the time at lunch
C) a way to pass the time during work (don't long and pointless email chains rock?)
D) fun to talk about while getting drunk

The first such topic I'll cover will be The DHG.

What is the DHG you ask? Well it's an acronym I coined several years ago (no really, I coined it) to capture the most mysterious of phenomena: the Disproportionately Hot Girlfriend. A little confused? Perhaps this picture will help:

Still not clear? What about this one:

Ok so these really aren't the best pictures to represent what I'm trying to capture (well, maybe the second one is) but unfortunately, these were the best I could come up with after searching Google Images with strings like "hot girlfriend ugly boyfriend" and "cute girl ugly guy" . . .

I can't tell you how many couples I've seen where a DHG is involved . . . now I know there are several arguments and or hypotheses behind why the DHG exists and I'll try to summarize the majority of them here:

1) she's insecure and being with an "unattractive" guy makes her feel more comfortable that he won't run around on her
2) he has a trust fund
3) he has certain abilities that are prized by the superficial woman (he's great in bed)
4) he's really "nice"
5) he has other indefinable qualities that transcend the norms of what she's expecting from a man . . . (he's REALLY great in bed)
6) they have a long history together, probably got together in high school and/or college when she wasn't capable of realizing she could do "better", and the comfort of their bond keeps her from leaving him

I know there are countless other reasons why she could be with him but for now, I think the list above will suffice. Also, I know that by calling out such a phenomenon (as well as the aforementioned reasons for it), it might sound like I'm an overly critical, disrespectful, and inconsiderate jerk . . . and anything but a romantic . . . however, nothing could be further from the truth . . . (although opinions vary).

In my mind, our calling out and discussion of the DHG was (and always has been) rooted in fun but more importantly, I think that in the back of our minds, the curiosity and wonder was always based on our fascination with relationships, and with why we were single and the "ugly" guy wasn't. In particular, rather than work harder on meeting someone or try to improve our own dating situations, we chose to critique and blast those more fortunate than us . . . I guess you could call this "taking pleasure in the fortune of others"? Better than "taking pleasure in the misfortune of others" . . . right? I say pleasure because there would always be an absurd amount of laughter involved . . . up until one of us would get serious and say something like "NO REALLY - WHY THE ^$%#* IS SHE WITH THAT GUY?! IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! WHAT THE $#^#!" . . . (for the record, the guy that usually brought this to the table was the single one).

At the end of the day, I think the DHG speaks to the beauty and randomness of relationships and how what might appear to be strange and/or visually disconcerting on the outside can possess something very real and compelling beneath the surface . . . or the guy could just be good in bed :)

Creative Visualization

Over the last few months, I've found myself using creative visualization a lot given I've been training to run the Boston Marathon. However, as I've been doing this, I've realized that I've also been using this tool a lot in other areas of my life.

For example, when I used to approach a woman at a bar, I'd picture a couple of buddies firing me up with a monologue like this, imagine myself making attractive facial expressions at just the right time, envision being just charming enough, and ultimately, doing everything I could to leverage my strongest asset . . . my sense of humor (please insert any and all jokes here).

Another example: job interviews - even before a phone screen, I go beyond thinking about what I'm going to say and actually picture myself saying it. Additionally, I visualize the person on the other end giving me positive feedback, good follow-up questions, and generally sounding as if they'd like to hire me on the spot.

A third example: exercise and sport - an obvious one and especially critical for me given my marathon training; within this setting, it is probably having the biggest impact. The other day I was out on the Boston course, in the snow and the wind, running up and down the first hill over . . . and over . . . and over. At each sign, telephone pole, or other marker, I tried to picture someone or something drawing me in - first it was Mary McManus, one of my inspirations for running Boston and the consummate example of perserverance and courage - next it was my coach Jeremy with his fire and enthusiasm for my training and progress, telling me not to quit - then it was me back in 2002, laid up in a hospital bed and unable to move my leg, heavily medicated and feeling like I would never make it back to reality . . .

The reason I think creative visualization is so powerful in exercise is because it helps to manage pain. In particular, it doesn't eliminate anything I'm feeling physically when I'm on mile 16 but it helps make it a little bit more bearable from a mental standpoint. I've been told that some people can take creative visualization to a level whereby their physical pain can actually be reduced (or at least feel like it is) and this is a place I'm striving to get to.

I wonder how many others out there take advantage of creative visualization in the parts of their lives I've identified above. Even more interesting is to consider other areas of our lives where we could use it: non-romantic relationships, day-to-day activities, job performance, etc. - based on the number of books and publications I've seen on the topic, my hunch is that many people are using it throughout their lives and I certainly hope this is the case.

In fact, as funny as this scene was (Apollo Creed at the piano?!), it really does have a lot of meaning behind it and I can't think of a better way to capture it; creative visualization can be a very powerful tool and I plan on leveraging the hell out of it!

I'm signing off for the weekend but will be back on Monday with a new post so be sure to check back here next week!

Also, don't forget to tell your friends, family, and other peeps about my alter-ego (TMWDoBaJ.CrewM - http://tinyurl.com/yjvqob9) and if you haven't already, to show your love for Spaulding Rehab Hospital and Mary McManus here!: http://www.firstgiving.com/russforspaulding