The Looks Women Give One Another: They Ain't Pretty

I've been on a bit of a hiatus w/r/t blogging but on the way out of the gym this morning, it suddenly hit me: I know what I can write about next! In fact, I actually witnessed an example of today's topic in real time and was so moved by it, I knew I had to write about it immediately.

(More importantly, this morning's revelation made me feel like I'm starting to sense a theme to my writing: a little bit pop culture, a little bit human behavior, a little bit minty . . . ok so maybe these things don't really form a cohesive whole but whatevs. Maybe it's the randomness of my writing w/r/t topics that makes it so endearing to my 10 followers? . . . either way, I'm back baby!)

What did I see on my way out of the gym? I am coming down the hallway and see a woman who appears to be peering down the hall in my direction. As I get closer, I see a second woman approaching from the left who is essentially crossing in front of the first woman . . . and as my eyes move back to the first woman, I see her giving the second woman a prolonged, up and down visual review, with a look on her face that was a combination of "wow", "ugh", and "FYL" . . .

Now I have no idea what this first woman was thinking and why she gave the look she did. Maybe she was having a bad day and was just glaring at everyone she saw. Maybe the first woman's former husband had cheated on her with the second woman. Maybe the second woman was wearing Sex Panther for women. However, regardless of the specific reason(s) behind the dirty look, this is just one small example of a behavior I've witnessed an infinite number of times among the ladies. Based on my high degree of knowledge around this particular phenomenon, my high understanding of women in general (insert any and all jokes here), and my discussions with several women over the years about this behavior, here are some of my suggested and/or probable reasons for why woman A is glaring at and/or giving woman B a negative look:

1) Woman B is dressed like a whore, tramp, slut, and/or morally casual individual
2) Woman B is dressed in a way that Woman A wishes she could dress like (such as a whore, tramp, slut, and/or morally casual individual), but just can't and/or won't pull it off for any number of reasons (her figure, she's married, she has kids, her morals, etc.)
3) Woman B is acting like she's having a blast and Woman A just thinks she's too outgoing and/or loud (in this case, Woman A is usually having a bad time)
4) Woman B is younger than Woman A and Woman A feels old looking at her
5) Woman B has guys surrounding her and Woman A can't understand why
6) Woman B has guys surrounding her and Woman A doesn't
7) Woman B has a great body and Woman A thinks she doesn't
8) Woman B has a great body and Woman A doesn't
9) Woman B is making out with a guy and Woman A isn't
10) Woman B is making out with a guy that Woman A wants to make out with
11) Woman B is making out with a guy and this offends Woman A because she thinks it's a little bit much but in reality, Woman A just wants to make out with the guy
12) Woman B has done something specific to offend Woman A such as saying something rude or giving Woman A a dirty look . . . for the record, I think this reason fits maybe . . . 0.00000004% of the time
13) Woman B is drunk and Woman A isn't (or Woman A isn't drunk enough to ignore her)
14) Woman B is sober and Woman A is shattered
15) Any combination of the above reasons (which is the case more often than not)

There could obviously be 400,000 other reasons and I'd love to hear from you on what you think other ones might be . . . for example, in this picture, I'm pretty sure the dirty look isn't rooted in any of the reasons above:

I know that women tend to size other women up because it's a natural behavior intertwined with our DNA and evolutionary history (think women competing for men, etc. and you'll get the drift) but I also know things like pop culture, the focus on beauty and material possessions in the media, and feelings of insecurity and/or a lack of confidence must also play a role. In particular, I wonder if in today's world, women are feeling more self-conscious and/or disconcerted with themselves or other women, and are therefore tossing around more dirty looks than they were 20 years ago . . .

Now I'm not going to pretend like guys don't engage in this behavior too and that it isn't rooted in reasons similar to those above; guys definitely check one another out (in both minty and non-minty fashion) and will give one another dirty looks from time to time (or maybe all the time) but I figured I'd call out the behavior as observed among women given . . . well, I like women, haha. Also, I thought it was about time I tried writing about a topic that might generate a few haters as I've heard that having people dislike you is one of the keys to becoming big in the media world . . . which should obviously be my number one goal given my dream of becoming a J.Crew model :)

Hope to hear from you on this phenomenon/behavior and in particular, would love to know if you think it's more prevalent among women than in men!

The Coffee Experience

I thought it would be fun to write a bit about my love for coffee as I've always considered it one of my greatest passions. In particular, it got me thinking . . . why do I love it so much? Many would say it's due to its addictive properties and I know that those are partly to blame. However, when I think about coffee, I think about so many things besides it's taste and how I feel afterwards . . . I think about the experiences that are connected to it.

When I think about coffee, I think about mornings at my parents' house, sitting at the kitchen table with my Mom while my Dad is at the computer, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

When I think about coffee, I remember being at the cafeteria at Bates College after dinner, filling up two paper cups with a combination of coffee and cocoa powder (a "poor man's mocha"), and then stacking them on top of one another for easy travel to the library.

When I think about coffee, I remember being at a cafe in Dubai with my buddy Val, sitting outside as the sun was going down late in the afternoon, just hanging out and joking around.

When I think about coffee, I picture being by Sebago Lake in Maine in the morning, walking barefoot in the sand, as I carry a mug, a book, and a chair to the beach.

When I think about coffee, I picture having dessert on Thanksgiving with my family, with a big cup of Dunkin Donuts accompanying my pumpkin pie and ice cream.

When I think about coffee, I see crazy weekends in Medford with J.T. and Payne, having recovery afternoons before we got ready for another wild night, and making sure iced venti nonfat white mochas were in the mix.

When I think about coffee, I'm in Zurich on a cold January afternoon, a tourist on a mission, trekking from cafe to cafe and trying a cappuccino at each one . . . and recording each visit with a photograph such as the one above.

When I think about coffee, my favorite show Seinfeld comes to mind along with all of my favorite coffee shop scenes. And for the record, just like Jerry, I get my coffee on the outside!

When I think about coffee, I think about a first date when a fun conversation kept going and going . . . and eventually led to dinner :)

When I think about coffee, I remember being in a hospital bed and my Mom bringing me iced coffee and maple scones when she visited . . . truly one of the only things I had to look forward to at the time.

To me, coffee is all about the experience and it always will be - so many great memories are connected to it and so many moments in the future will be. I've laughed with coffee and cried with coffee, kissed with coffee and yelled with coffee, triumphed with coffee and failed with coffee, dreamed with coffee and woken with coffee, loved with coffee and hated with coffee. Ultimately, I have lived with coffee . . . and I always will.

In closing, I share with you the best part about my coffee experiences: I can definitely drink coffee late in the day and be just fine . . . unlike this guy.

I'd love to hear about your feelings for coffee and to know if you feel the same way that I do . . . that coffee is all about the experience!

My Top 25 Comedies . . . in no particular order

As many of you know, one of my biggest influencers is Bill Simmons. Bill has written many articles over the years in which he breaks down individual movies, lists his favorite movies and/or moments within certain genres, and/or weaves memorable movie quotes into his commentary on sports and pop culture. Naturally it's only fitting that I get involved in writing something similar and over the weekend, I chatted with several friends about the idea of writing about my favorite comedies.

My original plan was to actually do this in two parts (in an ode to a two-part Simmons mailbag or other column) with 20-11 today and then 10-1 tomorrow. Additionally, I had planned to include a brief paragraph on each selection that would help explain my rationale for its positioning within the list. After a prolonged period of reflection on this plan that lasted maybe . . . 2 minutes, I decided to keep things simple for now and just get down what I feel are my favorite 25 comedies of all time, without any ranking among the 25. I chose 25 because the number 20 became too restrictive . . . as it is, numerous movies I love were kept out of the top 25 (I've listed many of them below such that you can either support or refute their exclusion) and I also excluded many movies that I find funny because I didn't feel they were true comedies (you can find examples of these listed below as well).

Despite the lack of ranking below and my feeling that comfortably doing so would be next to impossible for me, I can unequivocally say that my favorite comedy of all time is Dumb and Dumber . . . I challenge you to come up with a compelling argument for why any other movie ever made is funnier . . . in fact, I think I'll dedicate a post in the future to breaking down why I think Dumb and Dumber is the funniest comedy ever . . . in any event, it's just my opinion but if your opinion differs . . . well, you're just an idiot :)

Criteria used to make my selections

1. Rewatchability: how well does the movie hold up if you watch it a second time or in the case of Animal House, a 43rd time?
2. Quotability: how often do I quote lines from the movie in my daily interactions with others? For example, I probably use the expression "someone with a morally casual attitude" at least . . . 5 times a week . . . not to describe myself of course . . .
3. Laugh-out-loud moments: how many times did I actually open my mouth to laugh as opposed to just smirking? For example, during the opening montage of Wedding Crashers, I usually laugh out loud between 5 and 10 times at things Vince Vaughn does.
4. Unintentional comedy: how many moments are there that I find to be hilarious, yet were probably not intended to be? When Walter Peck says "May I please . . . see . . . the storage facility?" to Peter Venkman in Ghostbusters, I find this to be ridiculously funny . . . although I'm guessing most of the audience in the theater never did.

 With that, here are my top 25 comedies of all time:

• National Lampoon's Vacation
• Dumb and Dumber
• Spaceballs
• Ghostbusters
• Dazed and Confused
• Austin Powers
• National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
• Billy Madison
• Happy Gilmore
• Ace Ventura
• Wayne's World
• Old School
• American Pie
• Caddyshack
• Back to School
• Animal House
• Superbad
• Wedding Crashers
• Airplane
• Road Trip
• Anchorman
• The Wedding Singer  
• Monty Python and The Holy Grail
• Liar Liar
• Tommy Boy

Notable Exceptions

 

One big exception you may have already thought of is Blazing Saddles and my only reason for not including it in my Top 25 is because I have only seen bits and pieces of it and therefore don't have enough experience with it . . . also, I thought I Love You Man was hilarious but felt it was too new to include (and is it really a comedy?). The Hangover is also a very tough one to omit and if I were to put this list together a year from now, it would probably make it easily but for now, the ones I've listed above have stood the test of time and I can't leave them out! Other notable exceptions: Young Frankenstein, South Park The Movie, Bachelor Party, One Crazy Summer, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Major League, Austin Powers 2, Blades of Glory, Can't Hardly Wait, Clueless, Real Genius, Weird Science, Revenge of the Nerds, and Porky's.

 

Movies I find hilarious for many reasons but I excluded b/c I felt they fit into other genres

 

The Goonies, Beverly Hills Cop, Swingers, Back to the Future, Kindergarten Cop, Commando (chuckling), The Karate Kid, Sixteen Candles, 48 Hours, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Beetlejuice

 

What do you think? Any egregious omissions? Any that you're particularly flabbergasted about? Any movies I classified as non-comedies that you think should be deemed comedies (for the record, I did not go to IMDB.com or any other film-related website to identify proper genres so apologies in advance for my naivete). Let me know!

Customer Service: Should All Companies Make it a Focus?

A few days ago I was walking into my local Shaw's when a staff member greeted me at the door with a "How are you doing today, sir?" . . . WTF?!

I know Walmart has employed store greeters for years and some other places have caught on as well (Best Buy and Crate & Barrell are two others that come to mind) but a supermarket? Really? But you know what? I liked it.

All through business school, professors pounded the importance of customer service into our heads, declaring that any company or business with poor customer service wouldn't necessarily be doomed to fail, but it would be destined to underperform. In my experience as a consumer and as an amateur analyst of businesses, I've found this to be fairly accurate. In fact, I'm no longer surprised with the amount of variability and lack of consistency in customer service that I experience on a daily basis; some companies are good at it, others suck at it, and some just can't figure out what type of customer service they're supposed to provide. Perhaps what resonates with me most is the lack of inconsistency you'll find in customer service within a chain of retail stores or other type of business.

For example (cringing), you can walk into one J.Crew store and be greeted warmly by someone at the door, be approached by someone once to see if you might need any help finding anything, and are then left to enjoy your department(s) of interest at your leisure. You go into a second J.Crew store and you are ignored when you first walk in, approached by no less than five different staff members before you've even made it to the men's section, and you don't get offered a bottle of water or cookies when you're at the register! Ok, so the last one is something they only do during the holidays but you get my point, right?

For a long time now, many businesses have included customer service in their corporate values or mission, hoping that this will help recruit the right employees and also create a focus on providing good customer service throughout the company. However, clearly this isn't enough. In particular, many companies have gone a step further and started to tie customer service to performance ratings, both at the business unit and the employee level. I think this is a good strategy and should help ensure that employees will focus on providing good customer service . . . well, in theory it will; if you were being judged in part based on your level of customer service, and knew your compensation and/or likelihood for advancement was directly tied to it, wouldn't you focus on it?

With today's economy, not to mention the numerous and varied drivers of revenues and profits, how much should companies invest in customer service? I know the short answer is "it depends" but I am curious as to whether or not there have been formulas or algorithms developed to help answer this question . . . I am sure many academics and executives have already researched and written on this topic but I am too lazy to go to Google this morning . . . additionally, I completed this blog post last night but it was mysteriously lost/deleted by Blogger so . . . yeah, I just want to get this thing posted, haha.

Another thing to consider is that the definition of what makes customer service "good" can vary from person to person so a form of customer service that can be catered to the individual may be more likely to succeed in the long run . . . but then again, it depends :) Furthermore, the level of customer service anticipated varies considerably depending on the business . . . if you call Comcast, you expect professionalism and efficiency - if you complain to someone at McDonald's that your fries are too salty, you're really just hoping for a set of replacement fries . . . a smile, an apology, and a free gift card as well? Probably not happening. After all, isn't all customer service at McDonald's like this?

So what do you all think? Which companies and/or services can get away with shoddy customer service? Which ones wouldn't exist today without great customer service? Which ones need to improve? Which ones need to dial it down a notch? As for Shaw's, will I visit this particular store more often b/c of their store greeters? Nope. But will my experience there be a little bit better and is it possible there will be some day in the future when a "How are you doing today, sir?" upon my arrival will help turn around a bad day? Yup. In particular, even if customer service programs and initiatives don't impact the bottom line, they can still help with customer retention and satisfaction.

I'll leave you with this clip which I love because it captures the way I always deal with bad customer service: humor.

Have a great weekend and see you next week!

CL

CL

I feel like it may turn out be Acronym Week as I thought that in today's post it would be fun to discuss (and perhaps introduce to some of you) a term my friends and I used to quote many moons ago . . . and that we'll still sometimes bring to the table on special occasions: CL.

CL stands for caught looking and as you may have quickly surmised, it refers to the act of being caught looking at a member of the opposite sex. At this page, you'll find the greatest collection of CL shots I've ever seen and after scrolling through it, I gave up trying to pick one to place at the header of this post . . . they're all just too amazing for words.

I can't take credit for CL and I'm not sure who is the originator but I remember my buddy Mark introducing me to it back in middle school . . . or maybe it was elementary school . . . although I'm pretty sure none of us were scoping girls in elementary school and given I was regularly sporting a NKOTB T-shirt like this one at that age, you can bet that girls were not what I was regularly getting caught looking at . . .

In what may be the greatest capture of CL in modern film, we see both the excitement of a daring look and the distress that can occur if one gets caught. Granted, this particular example shows a pretty bold move on the part of Michael Cera as not only does he have the girl behind him, but he's also holding his look for a good couple of seconds; this is quite daring and I'm not sure I would have tried this back when I was in high school . . . but that's probably b/c I was always too focused on the blackboard (nerd alert!)

One thing I will say about CL is that it's definitely something you can grow out of and in particular, something you can develop strategies against. Alcohol often helps with the shame of being caught looking because let's face it: if you're out at a bar, single, and drunk, isn't the whole point to lock up as many CL moments as possible?! Also, I think that as you gain experience interacting and flirting with members of the opposite sex, you develop a little more tact when it comes to stealing glances and looks at one (or some feature of one) who interests you . . . I say this because giving a quick glance at a girl on the treadmill next to me (without getting caught) is infinitely more manageable than it was back in college . . . then again I now run marathons for fun so perhaps this ability is in some way tied to my running skills.

Rather than go into detail about my all-time greatest moments in CL history (or dive into further analysis on the trials and tribulations associated with the CL experience), I thought it would be more fun to hear from you about the times and situations in which you've been caught looking; I'd love to hear about your funniest or most embarrassing CL moment so I hope you'll share them here!

Flirtweet

  

In other news, I've recently started a company. Well, I guess I haven't officially incorporated anything yet but that might not be too far away . . . I guess you could say that I've started the process of creating a brand. Last night I went onto the USPTO website and filed a trademark application for the following word:

Flirtweet

Actually, I shouldn't be taking all the credit for this because the concept and idea of Flirtweet has been bounced off of several friends, family members, and former B-school classmates already . . . in fact, a discussion with the latter group of folks last night is what prompted me to go ahead and attempt to secure the trademark.

Does the Flirtweet brand have any specific meanings attached to it yet? Nope. Do we have ideas? You betcha! Some of the potential meanings: witty, naughty, original, intimate, pressure, love, sex(y), safe, less risky, saving face, voyeuristic . . . and many more.

We envision the foundation of Flirtweet as an online community platform that will provide both content we create, as well as a hearty supply of user-generated content. What that content will be remains to be determined (if only we could nail down those darned brand meanings!) but what we do know is that it will revolve around flirting, dating, relationships, love, sex, and intimacy . . . and how it is driven by, influenced, facilitated, and intensified through social media . . . curious yet?


Are we going to educate people on how to flirt online? Maybe . . . but probably not. Are we going to offer information, media, and opinions on all things related to flirting and romantic interactions that are occuring through social media . . . might be getting warmer . . . once we have our brand meanings locked down, we'll start thinking (as well as soliciting and generating) content and from there, we'll move forward.

Are we going to have a mobile app? Yesh . . . I mean, yeppers . . . but do we go with something for the iPhone along the lines of this or do we work with the Android? . . . we're thinking the 'Droid.


A brief competitive analysis finds that someone on Twitter attempted to call out the concept of Flirtweeting but their activity, as well as that seen on their blog appears to be a little lackluster . . .

What's also good to see is that a quick search reveals how people are using social media to share their romantic lives with others. Even celebrities are getting into it! (well, if Alyssa Milano still counts as a celebrity) . . . in fact, it's clear from this that Alyssa and her hubby aren't the only celebs getting into the mix.

The bottom line is that social media has completely transformed the way people interact on a romantic level. Can you imagine what flirting, dating, and relationships would be like today without Match.com, Facebook, Twitter, eHarmony, or any other number of social media services? Is this is a phenomenon that people are aware of? Of course. Have numerous academics, media folk, and other educated people written, debated, and discussed it? Absolutely! But is there a brand that defines, captures, and promotes this phenomenon? Nope. To that end, we want to be clear right out of the gate and say that we're thinking bigger than Twitter and hoping to capture things in this vein that are happening throughout the social media world.

In closing, look for me to be sporting a white cotton T-shirt with the Flirtweet logo on it before the week is out; there's nothing like the power of guerilla marketing to get the buzz going. After all, if these two girls can make money with something like Flirtexting, we're going to do just fine. That being said, it's clear from this that not everyone has been impressed with their work. And lastly, if you check out this interview with the Flirtexting ladies, it's clear that if someone with their intelligence level is aware of flirting in other social media outlets, it won't be long before someone brands this behavior and makes a whole lot of money doing it . . . I've got a feeling that someone is going to be us :)

The DHG

The DHG

Many of the things I'll write about in this space are ones which I've considered sharing with a broader audience for a long time. In particular, many of the topics I'll cover will revolve around things my friends and I used to spend countless hours debating and discussing, for no compelling reason other than they were either:

A) fun to talk about while drunk
B) a way to pass the time at lunch
C) a way to pass the time during work (don't long and pointless email chains rock?)
D) fun to talk about while getting drunk

The first such topic I'll cover will be The DHG.

What is the DHG you ask? Well it's an acronym I coined several years ago (no really, I coined it) to capture the most mysterious of phenomena: the Disproportionately Hot Girlfriend. A little confused? Perhaps this picture will help:

Still not clear? What about this one:

Ok so these really aren't the best pictures to represent what I'm trying to capture (well, maybe the second one is) but unfortunately, these were the best I could come up with after searching Google Images with strings like "hot girlfriend ugly boyfriend" and "cute girl ugly guy" . . .

I can't tell you how many couples I've seen where a DHG is involved . . . now I know there are several arguments and or hypotheses behind why the DHG exists and I'll try to summarize the majority of them here:

1) she's insecure and being with an "unattractive" guy makes her feel more comfortable that he won't run around on her
2) he has a trust fund
3) he has certain abilities that are prized by the superficial woman (he's great in bed)
4) he's really "nice"
5) he has other indefinable qualities that transcend the norms of what she's expecting from a man . . . (he's REALLY great in bed)
6) they have a long history together, probably got together in high school and/or college when she wasn't capable of realizing she could do "better", and the comfort of their bond keeps her from leaving him

I know there are countless other reasons why she could be with him but for now, I think the list above will suffice. Also, I know that by calling out such a phenomenon (as well as the aforementioned reasons for it), it might sound like I'm an overly critical, disrespectful, and inconsiderate jerk . . . and anything but a romantic . . . however, nothing could be further from the truth . . . (although opinions vary).

In my mind, our calling out and discussion of the DHG was (and always has been) rooted in fun but more importantly, I think that in the back of our minds, the curiosity and wonder was always based on our fascination with relationships, and with why we were single and the "ugly" guy wasn't. In particular, rather than work harder on meeting someone or try to improve our own dating situations, we chose to critique and blast those more fortunate than us . . . I guess you could call this "taking pleasure in the fortune of others"? Better than "taking pleasure in the misfortune of others" . . . right? I say pleasure because there would always be an absurd amount of laughter involved . . . up until one of us would get serious and say something like "NO REALLY - WHY THE ^$%#* IS SHE WITH THAT GUY?! IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! WHAT THE $#^#!" . . . (for the record, the guy that usually brought this to the table was the single one).

At the end of the day, I think the DHG speaks to the beauty and randomness of relationships and how what might appear to be strange and/or visually disconcerting on the outside can possess something very real and compelling beneath the surface . . . or the guy could just be good in bed :)